Heyya ! So hm, plenty of things in my head right now, it would be nice to tell someone what's in my head and the things I've done in the past that I am not very proud of. But I can't just tell it to someone, ya know ? It's just not something a girl would tell, even to her closest friends. I mean, every girl has her secrets, an ocean full of secrets, most of it are not things to be proud of that she can tell to her best best friends or the love of her life. It just does not work that way.
I just told snippets and bits of the secret and memory that I've had to my boyfriend, and I didn't realise how difficult it is to tell it. I'm in a bit of a shock that I actually just told it to someone, it makes me want to cry, a huge lump in my throat. But before I went any further, he said to stop, so lucky me. It was good of him to tell me - and here I thought chivalry is dead - to stop anyway, I just cannot explain the feelings I'm going through now. Overwhelmed, shocked, sad, angry, bitter, all in one. The memory suddenly becomes more vivid now after I told him some, I think it's worse.. I just want to cuddle up to someone and cry, it hurts so bad. I inflict it onto my own self anyway, I was immature and stupid. It's not something I will feel jaded about anytime soon, and even later I bet.
But then, I'd stop and think, what's passed is passed right ? All that's in the past should stay in the past and you learn from it. It's part of life. Like how my ustazah would say, Qada' dan Qadar.. Everything that happens and will happen to you and everyone else is part of God's plan, and it's how God wills it. Everything that happens is meant to be. Now, I'm not the most religous person you'll meet, but I do believe in Allah and everything that happens to us has its reasons. Maybe God wants us to see that that person isn't right for you ? Maybe God wants you to see that you're just blinded by 'love' and you're goddamn stupid to even be with an ass like that. UGHH kk letting off some steam there haha. But then, when you're blinded by this 'love', you put your faith and religion aside and just do without thinking. It's really one of the worst things that can happen to you in life. And I desperately hope my children will be smarter and more well-equipped - faith-sense - than their mother once was.
There are times also when I feel like just killing myself, like how they do it in the movies, cutting my wrists or something like that, just so I wouldn't have to live another day thinking about it and having the memories just thrown at me day by day by day by day. It just gets tiring to have to live through it, and I feel demoralised and useless and just not meant to live anymore. I just want someone to shed some light on this and talk me out of it and make me feel better. Ironically, when I was comforting my friend about this suicide topic just now, I answered my own questions. I don't want my friend to die, and it just got me thinking, I don't think my friends and family would want me to kill myself too also, right ? I told him that, why would you want to take your own life ? Apart from it being a sinful thing to do, it's also not your time to leave the world yet. It's not worth it, it won't ever be. It's your time when it's your time, when God says it's your time. For now we have to stay strong and take life challenges as God's test to us, test on our faith and belief in Him.
So yeah, I think I've got most of it off my chest by now. Like I said, I'm not the most religous person you will ever meet, I don't pray five times a day, I haven't been reading the Quran in a while, I didn't get A for Pendidikan Islam in SPM, but I do believe in him. InsyaAllah God will help me to get through my life with ease, help me go through hiccups in the road and not lose my faith in him, Amin.
Til then folks, Goodnight (:
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Random
Hellerrr earthlings ! (:
Hehe. Hm, so what have I been doing these past few days. Hmmm... Well apart from driving, I've been pretty unproductive. You'll think it frivolous of me when I say that I want to do something, I want to keep myself occupied and I want to find a job. But hey, guess what ! Whoop-dee-doo ! I went for a Macca's interview and I got myself a job ! :D I was soooo thrilled, I was over the moooooonn bitches ! I mean I don't care that it's McDonald's that I'll be working at, I think it's very humbling to work at a place like that, you know, to be working behind the counters, to be serving people instead of being served, to get yourself down from the ladder of well, not to say wealthy, but, oh well you know what I mean. In my POV I think it's important that every person alive should at least, once in their lives, work at places like those, not at some fancy place with lots of money just so you won't embarrass yourself. Hey, I mean, even Coco Chanel started out as a seamstress before she got to the top of the ladder, right ? (:
Hm, moving on. I went shopping today ! Shit, I blew a hell lot of money, which I shouldn't be doing cuz I haven't even started work and earning my monehh yet. Sighhhh... What is air. I wish I could shop online or something, shop from shops that's not available in Perth, like Topshop and Forever 21. It's like the girls here wear the same stuff, the same style. It's so annoying ! I wanna dress differently from them, seriously, the shops here literally monopolises the fashion industry and the way Australians dress. You can simply tell apart the Australians, from the non-Australians just by their dressing. Ugh and I have terrible shopping OCD ! I can control it for now cuz I have very limited supply of cash, but I doubt I can control myself when I earn money of my own later, Help ! *Gulp. Oh, oh, oh. Before I forget, I bought these beautiful maxi dresses from City Beach, and they were on sale too ! Haha, who cares if I don't have anywhere to wear them to, they're pretty ! And they were on sale too ! Wish I could get an extra one for Qis, but there was only one left on the rack. Hm, skayy,, I'll find something else for her (:
Oh ! Qistina and Nabs are back from their holis ! Hihi, so happeyyy,, can chat and stuff with them again. I missed you people a hell lot !
Tomorrow my mom will be having her eye surgery. Hope everything goes well for her ! I get to drive her home tomorrow, hihihi, just the thought of it is making me giddy :3 And sorry kiwi for bailing out of going to Penguin Island with you ! ):
Hm, so I guess that's it, Goodnight folks ! (:
Hehe. Hm, so what have I been doing these past few days. Hmmm... Well apart from driving, I've been pretty unproductive. You'll think it frivolous of me when I say that I want to do something, I want to keep myself occupied and I want to find a job. But hey, guess what ! Whoop-dee-doo ! I went for a Macca's interview and I got myself a job ! :D I was soooo thrilled, I was over the moooooonn bitches ! I mean I don't care that it's McDonald's that I'll be working at, I think it's very humbling to work at a place like that, you know, to be working behind the counters, to be serving people instead of being served, to get yourself down from the ladder of well, not to say wealthy, but, oh well you know what I mean. In my POV I think it's important that every person alive should at least, once in their lives, work at places like those, not at some fancy place with lots of money just so you won't embarrass yourself. Hey, I mean, even Coco Chanel started out as a seamstress before she got to the top of the ladder, right ? (:
Hm, moving on. I went shopping today ! Shit, I blew a hell lot of money, which I shouldn't be doing cuz I haven't even started work and earning my monehh yet. Sighhhh... What is air. I wish I could shop online or something, shop from shops that's not available in Perth, like Topshop and Forever 21. It's like the girls here wear the same stuff, the same style. It's so annoying ! I wanna dress differently from them, seriously, the shops here literally monopolises the fashion industry and the way Australians dress. You can simply tell apart the Australians, from the non-Australians just by their dressing. Ugh and I have terrible shopping OCD ! I can control it for now cuz I have very limited supply of cash, but I doubt I can control myself when I earn money of my own later, Help ! *Gulp. Oh, oh, oh. Before I forget, I bought these beautiful maxi dresses from City Beach, and they were on sale too ! Haha, who cares if I don't have anywhere to wear them to, they're pretty ! And they were on sale too ! Wish I could get an extra one for Qis, but there was only one left on the rack. Hm, skayy,, I'll find something else for her (:
Oh ! Qistina and Nabs are back from their holis ! Hihi, so happeyyy,, can chat and stuff with them again. I missed you people a hell lot !
Tomorrow my mom will be having her eye surgery. Hope everything goes well for her ! I get to drive her home tomorrow, hihihi, just the thought of it is making me giddy :3 And sorry kiwi for bailing out of going to Penguin Island with you ! ):
Hm, so I guess that's it, Goodnight folks ! (:
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Bubu !
Sundayyyy is finally hereeee ! :D Woot woot ! Haha. Can't wait for next Tuesday to come, Macca's interview yeayyyy :DD I NEED a job, like desperately NEED TO HAVE a job. I need something to do to keep me occupied throughout this shit holiday, and maybe, just maybe, if I work real hard and be a good employee, I might keep the job throughout my time as a student in UWA :D Insyallah I can nail the interview and get a spot working in McD (: Fingers crossed ! >.<
Okay so, my mom finally took me out for driving lessons at Caversham park, a whole two and a half hours of practice drive. It was real fun at first, but I guess the lesson was too long, I got bored and sleepy halfway through it. I think my driving isn't bad at all for a first-timer, seeing how this wasn't my first drive. Drove illegally before this, started when I was 14, I was sooo curious how driving felt like, so I asked my mom whether she could teach me how to drive. And surprise, surprise ! She let me in behind the wheels :'D It was her brand-new Honda CR-V, yeah, I remember driving that monster, up and down the hill, turn left and right at the junctions, hm, those were some good ol' memories (:
Anyway, my driving was fine, but oh hell, my reversing and parking skills are a bitch. We took like an hour or so of just practicing how to get my reversing right, and my parking in the parking spot, but damn it I still couldn't get them right. Seeing how my skills were pretty shitty just now, at that rate I don't know whether when I can do them right /; I think I disappointed my mom a hell lot back there. She couldn't stop screaming and nagging and blablabla-ing in the car when I couldn't get it right. And OMG, besides the screaming and the shouting, she was sooooo funny ! Okay, like for example, I couldn't help it that I always look at the gear when I wanna change it to P, or D, or R, I mean, driving isn't natural to me yet. My mom was just so bugged out about it, she'll be saying things like, "Why do you always look at the gear ? Just look at the dashboard ! The gear tu handsome sangat ke ha ??", LOL OK. And she'll always be saying things like, "Woi ! You nak parking masuk longkang ke ha ??", Haha ! Okay so it may not sound funny when I say it here, but I'm telling ya, it was funny when she says it.
Hm, anyway, tomorrow is another session with her ! She says she will teach me for about a week of driving before she hands me to a real certified driving instructor. Oh, I also will be getting a new car for uni next year, yay me ! :D I told my mom I just want a cute, small car, I wouldn't even mind it if she got me a secondhand one. Plus I think it would be better anyway, cuz I know I will surely wreck my first car, so why not wreck a secondhand one instead of a brand new one, right ? Haha :D I think I'll name my new car, when I get it of course, Bubu (:
Hm, so what else did I do today besides driving and having awesome crayfish for lunch ? Hm, I watched Forrest Gump (: Suchhhh a nice movieee like OH EM GEE :D I cried so many times, it's like my all-time favourite movie now. Hm, yeahhh.... I'm skyping with my boyf now, awww you're so cute ! Haha, sayang kamu ! (:
Okay so that's it I guess, til next timee !
Baiiiii <3
Okay so, my mom finally took me out for driving lessons at Caversham park, a whole two and a half hours of practice drive. It was real fun at first, but I guess the lesson was too long, I got bored and sleepy halfway through it. I think my driving isn't bad at all for a first-timer, seeing how this wasn't my first drive. Drove illegally before this, started when I was 14, I was sooo curious how driving felt like, so I asked my mom whether she could teach me how to drive. And surprise, surprise ! She let me in behind the wheels :'D It was her brand-new Honda CR-V, yeah, I remember driving that monster, up and down the hill, turn left and right at the junctions, hm, those were some good ol' memories (:
Anyway, my driving was fine, but oh hell, my reversing and parking skills are a bitch. We took like an hour or so of just practicing how to get my reversing right, and my parking in the parking spot, but damn it I still couldn't get them right. Seeing how my skills were pretty shitty just now, at that rate I don't know whether when I can do them right /; I think I disappointed my mom a hell lot back there. She couldn't stop screaming and nagging and blablabla-ing in the car when I couldn't get it right. And OMG, besides the screaming and the shouting, she was sooooo funny ! Okay, like for example, I couldn't help it that I always look at the gear when I wanna change it to P, or D, or R, I mean, driving isn't natural to me yet. My mom was just so bugged out about it, she'll be saying things like, "Why do you always look at the gear ? Just look at the dashboard ! The gear tu handsome sangat ke ha ??", LOL OK. And she'll always be saying things like, "Woi ! You nak parking masuk longkang ke ha ??", Haha ! Okay so it may not sound funny when I say it here, but I'm telling ya, it was funny when she says it.
Hm, anyway, tomorrow is another session with her ! She says she will teach me for about a week of driving before she hands me to a real certified driving instructor. Oh, I also will be getting a new car for uni next year, yay me ! :D I told my mom I just want a cute, small car, I wouldn't even mind it if she got me a secondhand one. Plus I think it would be better anyway, cuz I know I will surely wreck my first car, so why not wreck a secondhand one instead of a brand new one, right ? Haha :D I think I'll name my new car, when I get it of course, Bubu (:
Hm, so what else did I do today besides driving and having awesome crayfish for lunch ? Hm, I watched Forrest Gump (: Suchhhh a nice movieee like OH EM GEE :D I cried so many times, it's like my all-time favourite movie now. Hm, yeahhh.... I'm skyping with my boyf now, awww you're so cute ! Haha, sayang kamu ! (:
Okay so that's it I guess, til next timee !
Baiiiii <3
Friday, December 17, 2010
Hear You Me
Ugh, I'm feeling so down now. I miss my best fwennssss );
This whole day after saying my goodbyes to Qis and Nabhan on Whatsapp, my phone has been really quiet, apart from getting texts from my boyf that is. No one asking me how's my day, what am I doing, telling me random stories, jokes, etc., etc.. /; I woke up from my nap this evening and I suddenly feel this emptiness at the pit of my stomach (HAHA, hyperboleee FTW). I kept on checking my phone, over and over and over again, noticed that, hm, I don't have any messages from Qis or Nab. Then I felt this emptiness and longing and it suddenly hit me that I miss them so much ); Sigh, no one to annoy me during my naps for at least a whole week now. Haha, I say that cuz, Nab especially, always disturbs me when I'm taking my nap -.-
This whole day after saying my goodbyes to Qis and Nabhan on Whatsapp, my phone has been really quiet, apart from getting texts from my boyf that is. No one asking me how's my day, what am I doing, telling me random stories, jokes, etc., etc.. /; I woke up from my nap this evening and I suddenly feel this emptiness at the pit of my stomach (HAHA, hyperboleee FTW). I kept on checking my phone, over and over and over again, noticed that, hm, I don't have any messages from Qis or Nab. Then I felt this emptiness and longing and it suddenly hit me that I miss them so much ); Sigh, no one to annoy me during my naps for at least a whole week now. Haha, I say that cuz, Nab especially, always disturbs me when I'm taking my nap -.-
Anyway, moving on, we did have a birthday cake for my mom after all ! :D Hihi ! My stepdad bought pink carnations and red roses for my mom this morning, aww, how sweet (': My mom was preparing lunch in the afternoon after they got back from a last trip to Freo for my stepdad, when my stepdad called me, whispered actually, to follow him to the bakery to pick out a birthday cake for my mom. SO FUNNY ! Cuz I was helping my mom preparing lunch in the kitchen, and suddenly I went missing ? LOL, of course my mom knew what we were up to -.- Pftt,, haha, uncle ni apa laaaa ! Then when we came back, we tried to be discreet about bringing the cake into the house, and my mom went, "Haha, mama dah tau la korang buat apa". LOL right ? But we still brought the cake in without her knowing, even though she knew we went out to buy her a cake. So yeah, lunch was great, the cake was sinful, oh my god.. Chocolate mudcake, heaven people ! After lunch we sent off my stepdad at the airport, hm, gonna miss him much ! He gave me a peck on the cheek before he left, AWWWW, lapcuuu Uncle ! <3
Hm, so, what else.. Oh right, tonight supposedly is the night I Skype with my boyy, or so he told me yesterday night he will. I don't know, I doubt we will, since he's always busy and all there in K-town, and no internet at his house /; I hope we will though ! I miss himmmm a lotttt ! And since Nab is on a holiday, I can't Skype with him, so I HAVE to Skype with my boyf to keep me company. HAR HAR, omg how pathetic do I sound ? Ah, so very.. Oh and Sya is finally here in Perth nowww :'D She said she would give me a call, so yeah I'll be waitinggg :B HIHIHII.
It seems like I miss a lot of people this holiday, hm, Life man.. Oh well, I gotta make do with this crappy holi don't I ? So yeah, I guess that's it for this one. Maybe later tonight I'll post another one, if I'm not busy Skyping, or watching movies online and if I'm feeling lonely, I'll pour it all here. I love you bloggie :3
Ciaooo !
Reality Bites :O
The very first thing I woke up to this morning is to the sound of Qistina's Whatsapp message tone -.- One after another and it didn't seem like it would stop ! Hahahaha, bangang kau, kejut kan aku pukul 7 pagi. She said she met Sya at the airport, :D OMG Syaaaaaaa ! She's coming down to Perth today ! Yeayyyyy ! I miss her like hell :O Hope I can meet and catch up with her when she's here :D Can't wait ! Anyway, so then I wished Qistina happy birthday again, and to have a safe flight and have a good time in HK (: Hm, I miss her already ! Haha, then I went back to sleep.
Then later at 9AM, Nabhan Whatsapp me ! I was like, still mamai mamai, I think I even spelt wrong, hehe :P He was just telling me that he's at the airport and his flight is at noon. So I think I remembered saying something along the lines of, "Kk, I'll message you later, wana go back to sleep", HAHA ! I felt bad when I woke up, which is like, 2 hours later, and still felt sleepy. Hehe, sorry dude. Sigh, and we just said our goodbyes, man I'm gonna miss you a hell lot okay ! Haha, you always keep me company through whatsapp and skype at nights, now for a week I won't have you bugging me in the morning, and not just you, Qistina as well. UGH ! Wonderful holiday.
And my stepdad is flying home today. Hm, sad to see him go later, he's been great to my mom. No fights, no arguments, he was really being a gentleman, I guess that's one reason why I didn't feel annoyed at him this time around. Last night he told me he plan to buy a cake and roses for my mom for her birthday, so sweet of him ! But I don't think he bought the cake though, cuz I didn't wake up on time :P HIHI ! Hm, now that my stepdad will be leaving, at least my family friend will be coming down from KL to keep us company next Monday, so yeayyy ! :D Company for christmas and New Year, and basically all thorugh the December and January Holidays. Weee~ And last night my boyf told me that his flight back to Perth is on the 22nd of Jan, yay yay yippee karyayyy :D Can't wait boo, I miss you so much ! 2 monthsaries away from each other, fuh ! Haha, I don't think I can last if you were to come back later, I think I might turn keraazayyy ! :O
It's really hot outside ! I can feel the summer heat coming, but the weather will be worse in the coming days. It's gonna be hot, hot, hot all the way to at least, mid Feb. I miss winter days, ): Hm, well okay, not winter, winter was crazy. I miss the weather when it's cool, during the transition from Summer to Fall, and from Spring to Summer. Not only is the weather nice during those times, but to see the leaves on trees go red, and pretty, bright, colourful flowers blooming, it's just heaven (:
Ahh, I guess that's it for this entry. It's almost 12PM now, gotta get ready to send my stepdad to the airport. See ya !
Then later at 9AM, Nabhan Whatsapp me ! I was like, still mamai mamai, I think I even spelt wrong, hehe :P He was just telling me that he's at the airport and his flight is at noon. So I think I remembered saying something along the lines of, "Kk, I'll message you later, wana go back to sleep", HAHA ! I felt bad when I woke up, which is like, 2 hours later, and still felt sleepy. Hehe, sorry dude. Sigh, and we just said our goodbyes, man I'm gonna miss you a hell lot okay ! Haha, you always keep me company through whatsapp and skype at nights, now for a week I won't have you bugging me in the morning, and not just you, Qistina as well. UGH ! Wonderful holiday.
And my stepdad is flying home today. Hm, sad to see him go later, he's been great to my mom. No fights, no arguments, he was really being a gentleman, I guess that's one reason why I didn't feel annoyed at him this time around. Last night he told me he plan to buy a cake and roses for my mom for her birthday, so sweet of him ! But I don't think he bought the cake though, cuz I didn't wake up on time :P HIHI ! Hm, now that my stepdad will be leaving, at least my family friend will be coming down from KL to keep us company next Monday, so yeayyy ! :D Company for christmas and New Year, and basically all thorugh the December and January Holidays. Weee~ And last night my boyf told me that his flight back to Perth is on the 22nd of Jan, yay yay yippee karyayyy :D Can't wait boo, I miss you so much ! 2 monthsaries away from each other, fuh ! Haha, I don't think I can last if you were to come back later, I think I might turn keraazayyy ! :O
It's really hot outside ! I can feel the summer heat coming, but the weather will be worse in the coming days. It's gonna be hot, hot, hot all the way to at least, mid Feb. I miss winter days, ): Hm, well okay, not winter, winter was crazy. I miss the weather when it's cool, during the transition from Summer to Fall, and from Spring to Summer. Not only is the weather nice during those times, but to see the leaves on trees go red, and pretty, bright, colourful flowers blooming, it's just heaven (:
Ahh, I guess that's it for this entry. It's almost 12PM now, gotta get ready to send my stepdad to the airport. See ya !
Life's less of a bitch when you have great people in your life (:
Aghh !! I am sooo happpy ! and I am soooo sad too ! )': Hm, so okay, today was pretty unproductive, like most days, but today I just stayed home and lazed around like a lazy cow, MOOO~ But at least I went out tonight ! We went to Cafe Del' Pescatore at Scarborough beach to celebrate my mom's early birthday because my stepdad is leaving Perth tomorrow afternoon ! Noo ! As much as I find him annoying at times, but having another person in the house beside the three of us is nice. Makes the house more lively and fun in a way :D Anyway, we had a nice seafood platter for dinner, yummy ! Oh, and happy birthday Mama ! I love you so muchy much ! Although we can have our ups and downs, and sometimes we don't really go eye to eye with each other, but I still love you no matter what ! <3
And today is my bestie's birthday too ! I wish I could spend her birthday with her, but too bad I'm stuck in Perth for the remainder of my holidays ); But anyway, she's going for a trip to Hong Kong tomorrow, so it wouldn't really make a difference if I came down to KL. Plus, my other best friend is going for a holiday too tomorrow ! He's going to Bandung, in fact. UGH ! Am I the only one having a not-so-nice holiday ? Haha, do I need to ask ? Of course I am, duh. So not only am I alone during the holis, but starting from tomorrow my Whatsapp will be veerryyyyyy quiet. I usually have them, besides my boyf -who rarely message and contacts me now that he is Kuching due to some problems- Whatsapping me to keep me company (Yes, I am that pathetic), but not tomorrow I won't ! Oh joy, ode ode ode to joy. It just justifies how really alone I am for the holidays.
Nur Qistina binti Azaman ! Haha, I know you won't read this, but OMG I love you soo soo soooo much ! And I miss you a hell lot okay ! I am so lucky to have you in my life, as my best friend. It's such a privilege to know you and be a part of your life. Hahaha, like we always say, Sampai mati beb ! Although before this we had our share of ups and downs and a lot of fights and arguments, I really, personally, deep down, think that it made us strong as friends. If it weren't for you, I think I wouldn't be the person I am today. You were always with me to support me, and give me advice and words that really kept me strong. You were with me during my most depressing times. I still remember the time when my mom and I had the worst fight, period, and you had my back and comforted me with words and advice that only you can give to make me feel whole again. You were always with me when everyone else turned their backs on me. To sum it up, you're my rock ! You're always so strong when it comes to making me feel better again. I owe you so much ! Words just can not describe how lucky I am to have you in my life. I love you so much ! Again, happy birthday sayang, may all your wishes come true and you live a long, happy life, Amin (': Fuck distance, we're still tight and happy as clams (:
Nabhan Nazim ! Dude omaigod, aku sayang kau macam gila babi sial. Haha. You're like, the best guy friend I have ever had. You are sensitive for a guy, but not like, in a gay way, but sensitive enough to understand girls' thoughts and feelings, which is good, of course ! That's why I like talking to you, you can come up with the best advice when I'm down and make me feel like strawberry cream pie again, haha <3 If it weren't for you, man I'd still be feeling down in the dumps. And I really love it how you can be so understanding and caring and sweet not even to me, but to other people too. You are really a good person Nabbykins. Don't ever change dude ! BFFF -Best Fucking Friends Forever- man ! Oh and P.S., when I come down to KL, which is like, next year probably, I will be invading your PS3 man, watch out, mwahahahahha >:D
Ijaz Yazid Razalie ! Awww, haha hi baby ! I miss you so much I can't even breathe when I think about how much I miss you. Okay, so starting from here on, everything I write will sound very cliche, but hey, that's how I feel and they are all from the bottom of my heart (haha cliche right there already :P). You are such a great person and I adore you, you know that ? You've made my stay in Perth a whole lot better, and I am truly glad that I met you. You're really something, huh ? I love it how we can act all silly together, call each other names, be super extra lame, but still know that behind all the names and jokes, we sayang each other, right ? Haha. Thanks for being there for me during my ranting moments, thanks for not judging me when I tell you stories of myself and my past, thanks for keeping up with my sometimes very childish and lame self, -.- haha. You are such a happy, jolly boy, and I love it when we spend time together, you always make me happy (: Although maybe I don't show it, or maybe you don't see it, just to let you know that you mean more to me than you will ever know, and I hope you're happy with me as much as I'm happy being with you. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you, you're like a drug to me baby ! Aww, omg jiwang sikit babe, ahahahha :D Happy 2nd monthsary babe, let's hope for more happy monthsaries and create more happy memories (:
So yeah, I guess that's about it for this entry. Til next time, baiiiiiiiiiii~ (:
And today is my bestie's birthday too ! I wish I could spend her birthday with her, but too bad I'm stuck in Perth for the remainder of my holidays ); But anyway, she's going for a trip to Hong Kong tomorrow, so it wouldn't really make a difference if I came down to KL. Plus, my other best friend is going for a holiday too tomorrow ! He's going to Bandung, in fact. UGH ! Am I the only one having a not-so-nice holiday ? Haha, do I need to ask ? Of course I am, duh. So not only am I alone during the holis, but starting from tomorrow my Whatsapp will be veerryyyyyy quiet. I usually have them, besides my boyf -who rarely message and contacts me now that he is Kuching due to some problems- Whatsapping me to keep me company (Yes, I am that pathetic), but not tomorrow I won't ! Oh joy, ode ode ode to joy. It just justifies how really alone I am for the holidays.
Nur Qistina binti Azaman ! Haha, I know you won't read this, but OMG I love you soo soo soooo much ! And I miss you a hell lot okay ! I am so lucky to have you in my life, as my best friend. It's such a privilege to know you and be a part of your life. Hahaha, like we always say, Sampai mati beb ! Although before this we had our share of ups and downs and a lot of fights and arguments, I really, personally, deep down, think that it made us strong as friends. If it weren't for you, I think I wouldn't be the person I am today. You were always with me to support me, and give me advice and words that really kept me strong. You were with me during my most depressing times. I still remember the time when my mom and I had the worst fight, period, and you had my back and comforted me with words and advice that only you can give to make me feel whole again. You were always with me when everyone else turned their backs on me. To sum it up, you're my rock ! You're always so strong when it comes to making me feel better again. I owe you so much ! Words just can not describe how lucky I am to have you in my life. I love you so much ! Again, happy birthday sayang, may all your wishes come true and you live a long, happy life, Amin (': Fuck distance, we're still tight and happy as clams (:
Nabhan Nazim ! Dude omaigod, aku sayang kau macam gila babi sial. Haha. You're like, the best guy friend I have ever had. You are sensitive for a guy, but not like, in a gay way, but sensitive enough to understand girls' thoughts and feelings, which is good, of course ! That's why I like talking to you, you can come up with the best advice when I'm down and make me feel like strawberry cream pie again, haha <3 If it weren't for you, man I'd still be feeling down in the dumps. And I really love it how you can be so understanding and caring and sweet not even to me, but to other people too. You are really a good person Nabbykins. Don't ever change dude ! BFFF -Best Fucking Friends Forever- man ! Oh and P.S., when I come down to KL, which is like, next year probably, I will be invading your PS3 man, watch out, mwahahahahha >:D
Ijaz Yazid Razalie ! Awww, haha hi baby ! I miss you so much I can't even breathe when I think about how much I miss you. Okay, so starting from here on, everything I write will sound very cliche, but hey, that's how I feel and they are all from the bottom of my heart (haha cliche right there already :P). You are such a great person and I adore you, you know that ? You've made my stay in Perth a whole lot better, and I am truly glad that I met you. You're really something, huh ? I love it how we can act all silly together, call each other names, be super extra lame, but still know that behind all the names and jokes, we sayang each other, right ? Haha. Thanks for being there for me during my ranting moments, thanks for not judging me when I tell you stories of myself and my past, thanks for keeping up with my sometimes very childish and lame self, -.- haha. You are such a happy, jolly boy, and I love it when we spend time together, you always make me happy (: Although maybe I don't show it, or maybe you don't see it, just to let you know that you mean more to me than you will ever know, and I hope you're happy with me as much as I'm happy being with you. And there's not a day that goes by that I don't think of you, you're like a drug to me baby ! Aww, omg jiwang sikit babe, ahahahha :D Happy 2nd monthsary babe, let's hope for more happy monthsaries and create more happy memories (:
So yeah, I guess that's about it for this entry. Til next time, baiiiiiiiiiii~ (:
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Nostalgia's a bitch.
Good morning world !
It is a b-e-a-uuuuutiful day ! The sun is shining, the birds are singing-- ! HAR HAR HARDY HAR HAR, who am I kidding. I don't even know how outside looks likes right now. It is currently 10:43AM, my shutters are down, my room is dark, and the only source of light is coming from my MacBook screen. I don't even know what beautiful is anymore since my very boring and dull stay in Perth for the holis. I miss Kay Ellllllleeeeee ! I miss the food, the environment, the people and the life there ! UGH ! ANYWAY ! Haha, moving on, when I woke up this morning, my hands were itching to blog and write about something here. Although I do have a Tumblelog, which is like a blog, but different in its own ways, when I think about it, I think Tumblr is just a place where I can express how I feel, what I like, in the form of quotes, to pictures, to all sorts of funny random things that I like by reblogging other people's stuff. It's not really a blog to me, because contrary to Blogspot, I cannot really write as much as I want, and what I want from my head, on Tumblr, because of the followers. And some of the followers are people whom I know in real life, and that would be really awkward to write on Tumblr like how I would write on my personal blog. Ahh, you wouldn't know what I mean. I like staying anonymous (:
There is a fly in my room now, Fuck you fly ! How the hell did you find your way in here ?? >:(
Anyway, ok so I know I said I would pick up where I left off and blog about the things that has happened, like wayyyyyyy back to early this year, but I also said I can't promise you that I will (: So yeap, being the lazy pig that I am, I'll just write on a few major things that happened this year, okay ? Okay. Haha. Hmm, where do I begin :/ Truth be told, there are no major things that happened to me this year, my life here is so boring T.T I've made new friends, and also gained a few enemies on my back. Ok, well not enemy, enemy-- it's too strong of a word to use, hm, more like unfortunate acquaintances that I dislike with a passion, picked up from stupid mistakes that I admit, I afflicted onto myself. Ugh, where do I begin on writing about my stupidity in getting myself involved in this shit. If I could just turn back time and had someone -ANYONE- stop me from getting involved in the mistake I did, I don't think I would feel this bad, or even this guilty, up until today. There's not a day that goes by that I do not think about it. Scarred for life, bitches ! But then, I take it as a lesson learned, everyone makes mistakes, no matter how much we try to avoid it, no matter how saint or smart or a fucking genius a person can be, mistakes do happen. And that's how we learn, right ? But still, everydayyy I think to myself, oh God, whyyyy can't it be some other mistake, why this ?? Of all the things I could've done as mistakes, why this ? Tis' a shame ): Maybe when I grow older, I would look back at my life and just think, "Ugh ! Stupid, foolish girl. You could've done better and save me the bad memories". LIFE MAN. Maybe, if I get myself into an accident, a car accident maybe, I could erase that certain part of my life :D But then again, the memories may be erased, but the actions will not, and maybe I would regain my memories again, and that certain memory would come back and greet me as if to say "Hello bitch ! Remember meeee ? Mwahahahha !!" Ah, Fuck you, nostalgia ! I still have to live with it, though. Haha, how melodramatic can I be ? :P Okay this entry reminds me of that one song from A Fine Frenzy where the chorus goes like,
Goodbye, my almost lover,
Goodbye, my hopeless dreams,
I'm trying not to think about you,
Can't you just let me be ?
So long, my luckless romance,
My back is turned on you,
I should've known you'd bring me heartache,
Almost lovers, always do.
Okay, not literally 'lover', and 'romance', but I'm using it more like a metaphor, a figure of speech if I may, on my memories and how it's haunting me that everytime I think about it, I die a little inside. Sighhh,, happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts >.<
Wow, it's 11:31AM now :O Didn't realise the time pass by so fast like that. Well, I guess this blog of mine is working and up and running after all, after sooooooooo longg ! This is a good start (:
Til next time, lovies <3
HOLY SHIT !
Haha, exactly ! The very first thing that came to my head when I came across this old blog o' mine. I noticed the last time I blogged was like what, December last year ?? Holy camoly ya'll ! It all started when I was just googling my name, cuz the expression "If you're not on Google, you don't exist" popped in my head. So yada yada yadaaa, a few clicks here and a few clicks there, I came across my brother's blog. I went through it and saw a rather familiar looking thumbna-- and OH MY GOD IS THAT ME ?? And true enough, that was me, my comment on his blog entry. I proceeded with retrieving my password and then, here I am ! Blogging again (:
It's funny, reading through all the previous posts I blogged about, thinking how my life has changed so much from my very juvi days. Ah, memories. One thing about it though, nostalgia's a bitch. But hey, the past is what makes and shapes us to be who we are today, right ? But as much as I hate my past, and would gladly trade my life just to have the memories removed from my head, I still have to live and make do with it, ey ?
There are soooooooo many things I would love and want to blog about, but my thoughts are all jumbled up in my head I can't even think straight now ! I'll have to organise my thoughts and post them entry-by-entry, starting from January '10. But then again, since I am a very lazy ass, I can't promise I will trace my memory back to early this year and blog all the way to December. Even the thought of doing it is making me cringe >.<>
I doubt no one even reads this, but hey ! If you are one of the lucky bastards who happen to come across my humble blog, all I have to say is, happy reading ! But be warned, I might just be blogging about you, and you may not like the things I say (:
Toodaloo !
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